ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
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