i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
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