I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
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