Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
i think im in europe. pls send help
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Randomize
