Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Randomize
