Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
Randomize
