OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
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