Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
Randomize
