I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
