whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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