no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
