I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
