she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
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