dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
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