when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Randomize
