I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
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