I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Randomize
