if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
