why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
I don't want my vagina anymore.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
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