After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
I need to align my fucking chakras
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Randomize
