Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
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