just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
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