I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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