I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
