Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
