Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
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