I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
