she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Randomize
