At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
Randomize
