He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
