1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
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