I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
Randomize
