ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
Randomize
