I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
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