sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
