everyone is single if you try hard enough
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
