it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Randomize
