just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
