I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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