I hate your face
i jhust puked up my retainher.
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Randomize
