so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
You've changed since you got that strap on
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
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