we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Randomize
