I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
is wine microwaveable?
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
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