So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
I'm passing your future prison.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
