No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
Randomize
