Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
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