I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
Randomize
