Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Randomize
