I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
Randomize
