I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
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