and you said cock pushups were impossible
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Randomize
