Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
Randomize
