Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
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