Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
I FOUND THE LEGS
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
Randomize
