Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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