I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Randomize
