her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
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