i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
Randomize
