Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
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