I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
only if we run a train.
done.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
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