You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
Randomize
